I believe Life presents many synchronicities allowing us to break off the restrictions and fear we place on our heart and mind. Many chances go by without a flicker of our consciousness realizing the healing opportunities before us, so we keep running, searching for chances to dive deeper, and feel more. Many more times than my memory can allow me to remember, I have frozen in the winds of these moments, I have looked into the eyes of the angel of healing, and scurried back to the safety of the isolation chamber I created within myself.

My mind seemed to have adapted as life applied its mental adjustments, and the story continued without any thought to the bonds that lacked in my life. These recent days realizations have started flooding my consciousness. As visions of love, and unity penetrate. I felt as if I was a trauma patient, paralyzed with intense feelings of anxiety and separation. My own mind assaulting me with memories of the times I have been hurt, my heart torn to pieces, and my trust demolished. Like a patient released from a lifetime of electric shock therapy, my mind, and will power are fragile. For many years I have been chained to this parasite. I have shouted, sworn, ripped apart, and set fire to every salvation The Creator has blessed me with because of my parasites tricks. Every time I fall into a deep hole of my own thoughts, and become prisoner to my inner battle, I remind myself to be still and pray. Gently my guides remind me that all events serve a purpose, good or bad.

Warrior training tells me that you cannot run away from what scares or challenges you. Instead, surrender to it stop and let down the armor, forfeit the shield for the greater good of yourself. The faith of your own will, can and shall keep you safe. There is only so much running before you have ran full circle. Every lesson writes a unique story. We need to honor our story, the good, bad, and ugly.

As I have set out on the task of forgiveness, and recover trust for myself and others, I have taken a vow to silence the parasite. It might be his job to never stop reminding me of my experiences with pain, disbelief, horror, sadness, and anger. It is my job now to stop listening and believing. To counter every negative thought with two positive, reassuring ,self-loving thoughts. To give myself the love I never received, to finally forgive.

The lesson to me here is,

In this life we have two choices, settle in the darkness of all that is wrong, or shine light to all that is right. This choice comes in may shapes and sizes. Our fight is never over, no matter how far it may seem we have gotten. When the spark is lit it can never be put out, but it is only we who can stoke its growth. We all at some point in our existence have to come face to face with the terms of our isolated reality, and we either choose to end the nightmare, or keep it going. I have many times over chosen to continue the nightmare, I can speak with my head held high, and words of strength when I say, I chose to dream a different dream, and though at times that dream struggled to exist, the embrace of love within myself and others has been worth every knee buckling step.